her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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