Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
