You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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