i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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