Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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