they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
