She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
