how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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