the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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