So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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