My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
