eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I have post one night stand depression
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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