dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
