Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
