I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We left the knife in your bed.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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