College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
