I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
