Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
