I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
