part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
