i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
