I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I am naked and annoyed.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
