So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
