worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
