my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
we're making bets on your personal life
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Randomize
