my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
