don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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