I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
