One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
