i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
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