I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
