There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
