um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Floor bacon is actually really good
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize