I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
we have pet lesbian snakes
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
