when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
