Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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