I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
