I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize