The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Randomize
