Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
