His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
