Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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