Don't make out with my wife yet
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
