how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
