Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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