also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
