Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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