Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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