I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
