we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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