Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
