She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
