He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
