Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
