i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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