Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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