I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Who died my cat blue again?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize