Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize