It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
