it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
