i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
