The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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