Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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