Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
