Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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