im drinking this country out of the recession.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
